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Date Rape
“It’s entirely my entire fault. We went to this party, and we both had too much to drink. After awhile, he wanted me to go upstairs to one of the bedrooms. I didn’t want to go, but I was so loaded I just couldn’t seem to say no.
We’d been going out for a couple of months, and we had made out several times but this was different. It just went too far too fast, and I got scared. I told him I wanted to go back downstairs, but he just kept taking my clothes off. I started crying, and he stopped. But then, a little while later, he just did it anyway, and I was so drunk I couldn’t push him off.
Afterward he told me he was sorry, but he just couldn’t stop. He said he thought I wanted it because I came upstairs with him. Now I’m confused. Who’s going to sympathize with me? I did go upstairs with him. What was he supposed to think? I don’t know what to do now. I just feel awful.“
In most cases, women are raped by someone they know: a fellow student, a business acquaintance, a neighbor or a relative. And all too often it occurs on a date. No matter who the perpetrator is, rape is an act of violence. All victims of rape suffer great emotional pain. Whatever the circumstances, rape is never "asked for," deserved, or justified.
Avoiding Date Rape
Plan ahead. No one wants to be paranoid during every outing with the opposite sex. But a little street wisdom can go a long way toward preventing a disaster. Here are some basic precautions:
- You are much better off dating someone you already know fairly well, rather than someone who is a casual or chance acquaintance.
- In general, multi-couple or group activities are less risky (and more fun) than single dates, especially for younger teenagers.
- Single dates, especially the first time with someone, should take place in public places. An invitation to a play or a sporting event is far preferable to "Come to my place."
- Blind dates should be accepted only if the person carries a strong endorsement from someone you trust, and even then, these should be in a group setting.
- Bring your own money. If you are in the early stages of a relationship, paying your own way helps establish your sense of self-control and independence. Even if your date is picking up the tab, you might need cash for transportation home if things get out of hand.
- Stay sober. Alcohol and drugs cloud judgment and put you off guard and off balance. Career rapists routinely use alcohol to lower a woman’s mental and physical resistance, and many date rapes involve the influence of a few drinks.
- Never leave a restaurant, party or other gathering with someone you just met.
- Trust your instincts. If you don’t feel right about the way the date is progressing, bail out. It’s worth a little awkwardness to avoid a sexual assault.
If You Are Raped
First of all, get to a safe place. Call the police immediately, and then contact a family member or friend to be with you. It is important that all physical evidence of the attack be preserved, so do not shower, bathe, douche, or even change clothes.
Most rape victims feel an overwhelming urge to rid themselves of every trace of the attack. They don’t want to deal with what happened, and they may wait days or weeks to report it. But doing so destroys important evidence, reduces credibility, and makes prosecution of the attacker more difficult.
